Hi there! Here are some of my favorite things that I wrote in 2022, even though mentally I’m still in Rome with Hilary Duff in 2003 (White Lotus who?!).
I quit my job this year (!!!) and I spent a lot of time ~working on myself~ (thanks Therapy!) but I managed to sneak in a couple pieces I loved in between analyzing my childhood or whatever.
Okay here are the writings:
This New Yorker piece about removing body hair
Did you know that body hair regulates your temperature, releases pheromones, and can contribute to better orgasms? But we assure you that hair removal isn’t taking those things away from women, it’s just about looking clean, like a sexy baby (looking at you T-Swift!). Also, cutting yourself with a trimmer stings a lot. But at least you’ll have less hair by the end of it!
This other New Yorker piece about writing something one day. Maybe.
When I finally write something, they’ll dedicate a day, no, a month to me and my writing. A statue will be erected in my honor. Then they’ll send my work to space, and aliens will find it, and they’ll also erect a statue in my honor—that’s how relatable my writing will be. It will be literally universal.
When I write something, it will be so good that it will unblock all the other writers around me, so that no writer in the future will ever have to compulsively binge-watch eight hours of “Below Deck” to drown out the guilt that they feel about not writing, or whatever.
And then Monica Lewinsky tweeted about it! 😯😯😯
This response in The New Yorker to Roe Vs Wade. Oops! Controversy!
Women, like cars or boats, have many parts: a head, legs, a mouth for vocal fry, hands for making cookies. If you look closely, women also have a tiny pullstring. When you yank it, they say typical woman things, such as “Sorry!” and “No worries if not!” and “Please stop, that’s my tampon!” And did we mention “Sorry!”?
A woman and her body are defined by the men around her. In fact, if you look up the word “woman” in the dictionary, there is a photograph of a Republican congressman, red-faced and yelling, “I’ll tell ya what a woman is!”
This illustrated New Yorker piece about relatable female superheroes like "Extra tampon Woman!"
And of course, my first substack post, "no cheeses for us meeces", with this poem I wrote just for you:
Ahhhhhhh
The sun at my back
The wind in my hair
The air in my face
Ahhhhhhhhh
Help, I’m falling out of an airplane!
Wishing you all a very happy New Year and wishing myself more writing things that make me laugh in 2023. <3
xoxo,
Kat